Going Through the Emotions

I would be more upset right now that he doesn’t want to see me tonight. However, last night, all I asked from God was that I was in his arms one more time, that I got one more kiss, that he knew I loved him. And I got my wish, God answered my prayer, And now I need to move on; I need to grieve, not ever knowing what’s going on in his life again, or being able to celebrate his wins, or lift him when he falls. It’s just funny because I’ve been essentially doing that the past year, but now that it feels real, now that I may actually never talk/see him again. I’m in Pain, I’m in Pain, and now I have to feel this Pain, and I hate it; I hate every second of it. But the thing is, I’ll be okay because this is temporary; it will go away; it will one day just be a distant memory. One day, I’ll look back and think of happy thoughts. I hope he’s doing well. But for now, I am sad; for now, I feel my Pain, and I grieve for what was and what could have been. For now, I enjoy this Pain, as this Pain meant he meant something to me; that Pain is awful, but at the same time, it’s beautiful because it just shows that there are things that mean so much to us in this world that we feel Deep sorrow in the loss of them. It was just four silly little months, but I’ll never forget about him. I’ll never forget our first kiss on top of the car, or him being so awkward and shy the first time he met me. I’ll never forget making out and talking with him for hours on our first date, and the happiness I felt when I was with him, in his arms, and how safe I felt when he was around. It’s my fault, though, but I don’t regret being selfish and choosing me, and I don’t regret the decisions I made after I broke it off. The only thing I do regret is how I hurt him, and how he didn’t know how much I actually liked and cared for him, which for that I put the blame on me, for that I am responsible, for that I don’t blame him for hating me; I would hate me. So now I say goodbye, and I move on, for now, and forever, I close this chapter, and I grieve. I grieve until it doesn’t hurt anymore; I grieve until he is a distant memory, and I will grieve and grieve until I can feel happiness again. As life moves on and time heals all wounds, I will be fine again, but I’ll also be in Pain again, over something new, over someone new; but for now, I grieve and heal for as this is only temporary, and everything will be just fine.